STICKY NOTES is Innsbrook Today Magazine's monthly Advice Column for interested readers.
 A. This problem is more common than one might think. It is a variant of agoraphobia--the fear of open spaces or leaving one's home. There are two classic treatments: one behavioral, the other medicinal. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a type of psychotherapy which is focused on the present (no going back to potty-training events!) and is very goal-oriented. This can take months to work and requires a good deal of commitment of time and energy.
Medicinal therapy, on the other hand, works quickly, usually within weeks. Medicine is highly effective unless someone is unable to tolerate the medicine, or stops taking the medicine too soon. The best approach is to do a combination of medicine and therapy: Get relief quickly but also learn coping techniques to help with future episodes of anxiety.
 A. Changing to a new school can be a trying time for teenagers. Sometimes they cope by forming less-than-wholesome relationships. There are two ways you could proceed. The first is to return her to the original school. This has the virtue of reducing her exposure to the "wild girls" but may not solve the problem. Your daughter might maintain contact with these girls despite the school change. Additionally, the upheaval of switching schools again might not be beneficial. Keep in mind that you took her out of that school for a reason.
The other way to proceed is to form a behavioral contract as a family. This is done by you and your daughter sitting down together and forming a mutually-acceptable set of rules and consequences if those rules are broken. Be specific. For example, you might set a specific curfew time for the weekends. At the same time decide what the penalty is for staying out too late. Everyone agreeing on the consequence ahead of time removes the danger of coming up with a penalty when emotions are running high. Think about specific behaviors to address, rather than something vague like, "I don't want you running with those girls." If you find negotiations too difficult, consider enlisting the help of a family counselor.
Got a tough situation you're dealing with? Tell us about it; you'll remain anonymous and chances are, there are many more people facing the same issue(s).
E-mail confidentially to cindi.innsbrook@gmail.com
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